Generally speaking, what is it about our human make up that compels us to run from our true selves? I wonder if this is a distinctly Middle Class America problem – growing up in a society that falsely reassures us we can be anything causes us to be unsatisfied with who we already are. Add to that the pressures of resume building and social media posting and nagging reminders that we have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce, it’s no surprise that we feel the need to do and be all the things. We’re told we have the right, nay, the responsibility, to always be better but, please, can someone drag us away from the inspiration boards and continued learning classes and allow us to just be? Living the dream is turning into a bloody nightmare.

My own Pinterest page is a shining example of this problem. I have whole sections devoted to becoming a stellar photographer, interior designer, fitness guru, award winning actor, party planner, pastry chef and fashionable globe trotter…just to name a few. Then there are the Udemy courses in web development and digital marketing and that Masterclass subscription I keep meaning to get back to. When I lose focus, expertly curated art (thanks to Etsy and all my interior design Pins) implore “DOn’t quIT” or “Hustle” and influencers on The ‘Gram with hashtags like #bossbabe push me to live my best life.

But instead of anxiously gobbling up skills and achievements like a deranged Hungry Hungry Hippo, why don’t we first take stock of the marbles we already have? Because everyone does have something. Or, maybe I should say everyone IS something. A singer, a good listener, a budget beast – they’re different skills with varying degrees of visibility, but they are equal. And, news flash, we can’t have them all. Sure, there may have been some shady dealings during Talent Distribution Day as it would appear some people are really tipping the scales, but no one left empty handed. If someone were to ask me what I was given, I’d probably consent to a penchant for writing. If you’re still reading this, I hope you agree. Now, I don’t think I’ll ever have to clear off shelf space for a Pulitzer, but I do ok – certainly better than the twit who recently replied to my beautifully crafted business email with a “ty.” 

The thing is, I don’t write. I was a relatively prolific writer when I was younger, filling notebooks with poems, essays, songs and stories. I even earned the occasional award or recognition for my work. Now, not so much. Most of the problem can be attributed to the business of life and failures in time management. But what about those rare moments when I have the freedom to spend some quality time click clacking away on my laptop. Do I relish the ability to sit down and write? No. Do I waste that precious time on the most useless shit imaginable? You betcha! Reorganize my closet – sounds like a plan. Clean out my email inbox – don’t mind if I do. Hunt down the next best show on Netflix – I’m up to the task. Mindlessly scroll my way into a coma and accidentally friend request a near perfect stranger on Facebook – yeah, sorry about that. Can I honestly consider myself a good writer, or a writer at all, with only a small handful of blog posts, zero Twitter followers, and the sporadic online event invite? It might be the top skill listed on my otherwise creatively barren resume but I have essentially no resources to back up that claim.

As I bounce from meaningless jobs to unemployment and back again, I continue to feel a little knock from the inside of my brain accompanied by a voice that says, “HellOOOoooooO, you’re a writer. Accept that this is your thing and stop wasting time trying to be something you’re not!” That might be all well and good, but is that same obnoxious voice capable of persuading someone to give me an advance to write a novel? A script? Is anyone from Refinery 29, Atlas Obsurca, The Thrillist, or even the PennySaver going to take me seriously as a writer based solely on a collection of witty text repartee? That’s gonna be a hard no. So, it is up to me to become one. 

Correction: I have to embrace being one. It is what I am, I just have to stop ignoring it and start working at it. The seed is there, but I have to choose to nurture what is right below the surface if I ever want it to grow. For years, I’ve been attempting to dig massive holes, haul fully formed trees and replant them where they were never meant to blossom. After all that work, I’m tired, I’m dirty, but I don’t have much in the way of fulfilling – or lucrative – results. Think of how fruitful that little talent seedling could be now if I had fostered the development of what I already had instead of wasting so much time denying the fact that some plants require particular conditions that I might not possess.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not self improvement bashing. I’m not saying that learning something new is a bad move. On the contrary, I love learning new things; if it didn’t generate crippling debt I would happily be a full time student. What I am saying is that if you’re a square peg trying to shove yourself into a round hole it may be possible you will fit but the process is going to be hella painful. And, truly, you’ll never be as good at filling that circular void as the one who was designed to do it in the first place. So, instead, why not be the best damn square peg you can possibly be? 

Now that I’ve officially maxed out my metaphor limit, I’ll move on to the question and answer portion of this post. What part of yourself have you been running from? Why is it that you think you need to do and be something other than what you already are? Trust me, I’m painfully aware that the competition to get anywhere in this life is fierce, but maybe if we all agreed to stop seeing each other as rivals and started collaborating to utilize what we each do really well we could finally break the cycle of exhausting, anxiety-inducing one-up-manship. I’m slowly accepting that I will never be good at everything and, more importantly, I don’t have to break my back, bank account and spirit to cram in yet another skill I don’t necessarily need. While I won’t give up occasionally adding to my repertoire, you will now find many more titles such as “How to Outline a Story” and “Constructing Consistently Engaging Blog Entries” on my Pinterest board.

Find out what you are. Own it. Embrace it. Love it. Cultivate it. Then, share it with all of us. Are you a math genius? A master seamstress? A tech wizard? Great! I’m not and now I no longer feel burdened to become one, too. Let me celebrate you by engaging your talents. This world can be such a difficult place to live in; we have enough struggles as it is. Fight one less battle today and stop warring against the best version of who you can possibly be. And, remember, if you ever need a writer, I got you!