This pandemic has been undeniably difficult on everyone but it’s been downright brutal for travelers and those of us who like to write about our adventures. I’m a go-big-or-go-home kind of explorer – I take an “airplane or it doesn’t count” approach to my official excursions. However, since that’s not happening any time soon, I’ve elected to stay home. I have crossed a few tasks off the checklist that has been growing over the years but the constant all work and no play of the pandemic has grated away at my already paper thin sanity and capacity for positivity. I have been home. For months. With no end in sight. Although I have accepted the fact that 2020 will not allow me to jet off to Amman or Cartagena, it has also taught me the significance of simple pleasures that are still readily attainable. The pleasuriest of all simple pleasures is ice cream. And that, my friends, is what finally dragged me out of the house and decide to go small.

Small business, that is. Over the past few months, I have been repeatedly impressed by the ingenuity and creativity of small businesses to adapt to circumstances that I’m sure were never a part of any contingency plan. One of the most indulgent and delicious business moves has been from Bucks County ice creamery, Owowcow. Taking a favorite page out of every 20something’s playbook – the bar crawl – the small collection of shops created their own Tour de Cow. Guaranteed to generate both cheer and cash flow, Owowcow issued a challenge to it’s customers to visit all five of their locations in order to win, what else, more ice cream! Evidence has shown that social media bragging rights have also been a big draw. Like any good challenge, this one provides a way to up the ante. If you visit all five outposts in one day (and show your receipts to prove it) you are also rewarded with a free, exclusive t-shirt. The gauntlet had been thrown, the prizes revealed and I was up to the challenge. I recruited a trusty sidekick to pilot the Hyundai Elantra, packed the Lactaid pills and set out on an ice cream road trip adventure. 

With the coordinates for all points of interest carefully input into TripIt, we navigated to our first dairy destination. The inaugural stop on our quest brought us to our regular Owowcow shop located in Wrightstown, PA. Here we were supplied with our indispensable map, better known as the official Tour de Cow stamp card. For travelers interested in side quests, the map also provides information concerning nearby adventure opportunities such as grabbing a slice at Vince’s Pizzeria, boating at Lake Galena or exploring the trails along Neshaminy Creek. While these are noble pursuits and ideal for combating the effects of extreme sugar intake, our focus was singular and we chose to stay the course without wavering in order to complete our mission in one day. To obtain the necessary card stamp, a purchase must be made. The pressure of making a flavor choice can be overwhelming but the benevolent masterminds of Owowcow have graciously provided an opportunity for some relief. Again being inspired by the methods and proven practices from the world of adult beverages, an ice cream flight is an option on the menu. Instead of selecting just one or two flavors, you are able to maximize your variety quotient with a total of five scoops. My sidekick decided that this was to be his Tour de Cow destiny and declared that he would consume a flight at every location. I had no doubt that he would be able to fulfill this lofty goal but I knew attempting such a feat myself would likely bring my ice cream journey to an untimely end. However, I agree to join him in this first task. Between the two of us, we sampled ten unique flavors. With our expectations and our blood sugar levels set high, we were off to the next venue.

After departing our usual Owowcow shop, the adventure truly began as we were now venturing into uncharted territory. TripIt directed us along the brief, next leg of our ice cream expedition to Chalfont. We arrived unscathed at the large, stone firehouse that had been transformed into the most recent addition to the Owowcow empire. After passing a graveyard rendered innocuous by the midday sunshine and locating a place to deposit the car without issue, we discovered an immense chalkboard heralding the current flavors of the day. This information was vital in achieving the least amount of time indoors and therefore increased our ability to safely social distance. Once inside, however, we realized that this precaution was mostly unnecessary as our presence only doubled the number of individuals who occupied the impressive structure. Selections were made quickly – another flight of entirely new flavors for my companion and an ice cream pop that resembled an epicurean Good Humor bar for me – then we followed the single path out of the building and rounded back to our vehicle. Here is where we were most tempted to deviate from our course and adjourn to nearby Peace Valley Park; a locale which sounds like an ideal place to spend some quarantine time. Alas, our frozen treats began to give out well before our commitment to our cause ever could. The sweltering heat was merciless and demanded immediate ice cream consumption which did not allow for a detour. Under the shade of a large oak, we furiously ate our delectables while they maintained some solidity and us some dignity. As we did, fellow ice-cream-loving travelers waved at us from a pandemic-friendly distance and requested flavor recommendations. We happily obliged and shared witty reparteé on the joys of day ice creaming – a luxury only second to day drinking but certainly more acceptable on a Tuesday. However, this was no time to make friends and we hastened to our ride as the couple entered the shop. We were only on stop number two in what had become a serious mission in gluttony.

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The drive between Chalfont and the subsequent shop would be the longest of our journey; 55 dairy-free minutes of glorious air conditioning. Although I had never previously ventured to Easton, PA, it has been on my travel radar since Sesame Street presented a thrilling expose on the inner workings of the Crayola Factory. I never imagined that ice cream would be what eventually brought me to this mining town and I certainly never expected to leave without a fistful of fresh crayons but both were true of this day. With the doors of the factory currently sealed shut, we were left with no other option than to stay steadfast to the task at hand. The Elantra snaked through the narrow roads of steep hills covered with homes in muted tones of grey, brown and faded slate blue. This is a town of hard work and, for some, a hard life. For a brief moment, I was aware of its uncomfortable juxtaposition to the frivolity of an ice cream shop. But sometimes happiness can be found in the most unlikely of places which is usually where it is needed most. Eventually we reached the bottom of the hill and found ourselves at Simon Silk Mill – a renovated, rustic-on-purpose space that seems to be a popular aesthetic in the slowly, gentrifying parts of the Lehigh Valley. Sequestered away beyond the craft brewery, day spa and balloon sculpture business sat ice cream haven number three. Upon entering, I discovered that shouting my order through my mask and the din of the air conditioning was necessary. The employed guardians of Owowcow, the Teenage Girls, were as polite here as we had found at all previous locations. A second scooper did her honest best to suppress a look that straddled the line of surprise and horror when my companion proclaimed we were doing the entire Tour de Cow in one day. She handed him his third, consecutive, ice cream flight as I took my small cup and vacated the building. It was then that we encountered our one true adversary of the day (save for the inevitable food coma that would ensue) – lanternflies. Known for generating  flora killing mold, this invasive species had recently infested the area and were decimating the local plant life. My trusty sidekick is usually a gentle hero in times of insect invasions but these particular monsters were subjected to his size 13s. This was how our time at the Easton Owowcow unfolded – alternating between spoonfuls of creamy delight and stomps of unashamed murder. Our stop culminated in the demise of no less than 15 lanternflies. With our valiant contribution in saving the trees of North Eastern Pennsylvania adequately complete, we returned to the safety of the vehicle to travel to our penultimate destination.

Sunlight pierced canopies of shady, tree-lined roads slowly gave way to brilliant farmlands fully lit in the golden hour as we cruised our way to Ottsville. The Owow OG, the first location established in 2009, appeared suddenly out of long stretches of desolate fields, like a sweet-cream mirage in an otherwise snack-barren land. It’s a small outfit that shares an out of place brick building with an even more out of place surf shop. This left us somewhat perplexed as the only waves in sight were those of amber grain. Still, the unexpected dichotomy, along with the revered relic of a payphone outside, added to the charm of the scene. The shop itself gave off an air of cool panache, a quiet confidence seemingly from knowing it held the title of first and therefore best of the Owowcow family. If reveling in timeless summer vibes was the mood of the moment I was all too happy to follow suit. Naturally, this was the perfect location to procure a classic cone with one of the month’s signature flavors, sweet buttered corn. One can only assume that the kernels used in this creamy creation were sourced from a location within walking distance of the shop’s front door. We took our cone and yet another flight out to the parking lot with asphalt set ablaze by the late afternoon sun. The heat produced an instantaneous melting effect and the muscle memory from years of accomplished drip control nearly had me mask first into the top scoop. Fortunately, I remembered just in time to remove my shield and save my snack before it became a splat on the blacktop. We finished our treats gazing out onto the fiery horizon, reflecting on how far we had traveled and how much we had accomplished. A sudden bark from a nearby domesticated beast sent us reeling back to reality and set our determination to complete our final mission.

The time had come for the last stop in our ice cream quest. Making it to the ultimate destination meant traveling back to our homeland, a trek that literally took us over the river and through the woods, to the only Owowcow east of the Delaware River. We arrived in Lambertville exhausted, sweaty and filled with dairy but we were ready to claim our prize. A flag emblazoned with the patron spirit of all things ice cream, the noble cow, welcomed us to our victory with a friendly wave. We were poised to reap the hard-earned rewards of the day. Feeling audacious due to our successful conquering of the Tour de Cow, we requested that the pedestrian sundae usually provided as a sweet trophy be upgraded to the impressive 10 Mile Peach Sundae. This extravagance seemed a much more worthy way to celebrate our triumph. The shop’s scoop slingers honored our requisition with no objections. However, this final act of utmost gluttony was ultimately our downfall as the sheer volume of sugary substances contained within the large vessel was our undoing. No matter, the battle had been fought valiantly, we conquered the cow and we departed from this last mission with the spoils of our success – the coveted t-shirt and a few pints of ice cream to bring back to those who remained back at the homestead. We motored off into the sunset feeling victorious and strangely proud of our particular prowess. With our adventure now behind us, we did the only thing more ludicrous than consuming five servings of ice cream in one day – we went home and had dinner.

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You might be thinking that this was an excessive effort for a sugar high and a “free” shirt that came out to $72.80 in ice cream sales. Not to mention, of course, a highly dramatic retelling of the day’s events. Why not just go to the frozen foods section of the nearest grocery store for a quicker and cheaper fix? While Halo Top is fine most days, these are not most days – in case you were unaware. This is no time for diet ice cream. I am also painfully aware that neither Ben nor Jerry need any more of my money. Plus, I am a total sucker for swag. In this prolonged space of uncertainty and unrest I say bring on the full fat! Bring on supporting a local business! And, for the love of ice cream, bring on the joy! What started out as a simple day trip, a respite from the doldrums of life lived indoors, ended up becoming a humbling eye-opener. I realized that it was unfair of me to write off Summer 2020 as a complete wash. More than that, it showed me that adventures are all around us, if only we stop long enough to find excitement and wonder in our everyday lives. It’s not the plane ticket or passport that makes a trip worth taking, it’s the mindset.

Tour de Cow Final Stats:

Tour de Cow Playlist:

1. Sugar Sugar – The Archies
2. Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice
3. Banana Split for My Baby – Louis Prima
4. Ice Cream – New Young Pony Club
5. Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard
6. Vanilla Ice Cream – She Loves Me Broadway Cast Recording
7. Build Me Up Buttercup – The Foundations
8. Ice Cream – Mika
9. Sugar Dumpling – Sam Cooke
10. Sellin’ Ice Cream – Master P
11. I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) – Four Tops
12. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) – Eurythmics
13. Ice Cream – Preservation Hall Jazz Band
14. I Love Rocky Road – Weird Al Yankovic
15. Ice Cream Man – Van Halen